Chasing by Desperation

With all the soul-searching and deep thinking, I came across this song from Desperation, a Christian band I personally met when I was 15.

I am very encouraged and refreshed after soaking myself in the song. =)

P/S: Still undecided on whether to go off or stay (referring to my tertiary education)

The Brethren Factor

Today, I managed to have a decent conversation with my brother regarding my inner conflict to stay or to go abroad. I am not sure whether he really gets what is going on but I am somewhat amused:

Me: Jeremy, you want Ko-ko (meaning ‘brother’ in Chinese) to stay in Malaysia or go abroad?

Bro: Stay in Malaysia

Me: Why?

Bro: 1) So you can help me with my homework. (He is 10.) So you can cook for me. So you can put chilli sauce to my nuggets.

Me: Some more reasons?

Bro: So you can do my breakfast. Take care of me. To play PS 2 (PlayStation 2) with me.

————————–

Alright, that’s something to be considered. =P

The Black Cheong-Sam

This morning, I went to my ex-school SMK Batu Lapan (the secondary school before Sri KDU where I did my IB) to see my ex-teacher for some advice about what was expected of a Science teacher. Before the CNY festival, I was offered a position as a temporary teacher in Batu 8; rumours had it that I am to teach Science, Moral, KH, Math, and/or PJK.

The advisory session turned into a counselling session… Haha… I am not sure whether counselling is the right word, but somewhat we went off tangent from ‘how to teach science for Form 1′ to ‘whether Winson should stay in Malaysia for the next few years or fly off to overseas’.

To place things into context, I would like to elaborate a little. Before Christmas 2008, I was all out to getting a place in the Ivies to pursue my tertiary education. But after Christmas 2008, which will for a very long time be remembered as my father’s death anniversary, things are not so simple anymore. For the first time, it is not about myself, but about the people around me.

Is it ethical to go off and leave your loved ones, after they have suffered a major loss just not too long ago? (If I am to fly, I will be off by August 2009, which is basically about 9 months after the Christmas episode.) It is a very painful and draining process, personally.

To be filial, or to be determined in achieving your dreams? To put your interest, or the interest of your family first? To look at the short-term good, or to look at the long-term good? And most importantly, what does God have to say about me staying or leaving?

Previous posts have me mentioned about my various course and institution options. But, in the end, it really boils down to whether I want to stay temporarily, or to leave and pursuit the Ivy dream?(The whole I-have-so-many-options-chart is to actually make myself feel better that I have alternatives IF I STAY.)

By now, after sifting through all my thoughts and inner conflicts, I hope you would be able to identify with me, how big a decision I am about to make in the next few months.

—————————-

I embarked on a 40-Day Prayer Mission, although I have to admit it takes a lot of faith and commitment to be able to REALLY PRAY AND SEEK GOD. Everyday, I would ask myself whether I should stay or go abroad after each day’s experience, prayer, conversation with people, and detailed observation around me. The most important result of the day is, whether everything  points to STAY, or GO ABROAD. And, this is the summary of my 4-day-old mission:

Day 1: Stay

Day 2: Stay/ Go Abroad

Day 3: Unrecorded

DAy 4: Stay/ Go Abroad

———————————

It is draining, and this is still an understatement. It takes so much out of you that you don’t know which is the right way to go. You want to make the best decision after considering EVERYTHING in picture.

God seems to be so far away, and He is leaving you alone to make up your mind. He seems to be giving you some space to breathe. But God seems so far away, and unreal. But John 14:27 keeps popping out, once in a while, probably also because that was my first memory verse that I actively memorise in my entire Christian walk.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; don’t let your hearts be troubled and don’t be afraid.

———————————

I have this bad habit, and it might seem hypocritical to some. I always put up a very strong front. I always laugh and crack joke with my friends. And yet, I don’t reveal my true feelings within. Probably, I just want to assure my friends that I am fine after the Christmas surprise, but the fact is, I am feeling this void within me – I am fatherless.

Sometimes, it is a horrible thing to be part of Adam’s race because it is difficult for a guy to cry out his emotions. Girls just cry, and they are fine after that. Guys are left with this suppressed emotion that cannot be expressed by tears, even after I tried so hard to tear just to let it out. (I cried so much at the mortuary and at the funeral though.)

———————————–

This year’s reunion dinner was different. Different because we are not in the mood. Different because we are short of one member. Different because New Year’s Eve is on the 25th, exactly one month after the surprise.

Today, it is the Third Day of Chinese New Year and I am so blessed to spend part of it with the Mahs, Riza, Jeff, Jorrel, Sarah, and  Yie Hahn. The dinner and mah-jong session have made most of my day.

But the thing that encouraged me a lot tonight, after the whole episode of soul-searching and soul-draining, is a blog by a acquaintance-turned-friend.

Basically, this friend asked me on the dinner table whether I am still planning to take up law. I was curious because I was very sure that I did not disclose this detail to this particular friend.

“How did you know?“

“I read your blog la.“

Feeling indebted because I seldom visit her blog, I decided to visit her blog after so many months.

About her blog, all her posts about life and how God is so real in her life encouraged me a lot. This is a short excerpt from her blog:

“I guess we often question a lot in life and hoping for the answeres we want. And if we don’t get our wants’ we say God doesn’t answer, He isn’t listening, He is not fair, He does not care anymore. I believe most of the time when this happens, it’s only God’s way of shaping our lives, to be someone better in life. To prepare us for greater challenges in life.”

This is spot on. This is one of the rarer blogs that actually spurs me to reflect about things in life.

After all these, I realise that whether I choose to stay or to go abroad, “we only get to live life once”, with God as our guide. And “we should smile at every opportunity to do so.”

P/S: Thank you, friend. Black Cheongsam and Jennifer Lopez Still would make a good match…  =P

Difference between Guantanamo Bay and Kamunting?

I don’t feel the mood to blog today, but I am very amused when I read an article on The Star portal. Reproducing this article from The Star Online, dated January 26, 2009:

“On a separate matter, Syed Hamid said the American-run Guantanamo Bay prison in Cuba should not be compared to the Kamunting detention camp for Internal Security Act detainees.

Those of you who kept track of the world news, you would know that Obama, the first black President of the United States of America, has pledged to close down the controversial Guantanamo (pronounced ‘HUAN-TA-NA-MO’) Bay prison in Cuba.

So why Guantanamo Bay is different from Kamunting?

The most important one is geographical difference. According to Datuk, “unlike Kamunting, Guantanamo Bay is located on an island“. (This must be the darndest thing our minister has ever said.)

————————–

P/S: Of course, I agree with the other point that Datuk raised, “Detainees in Guantanamo Bay have their legs shackled even when they are out for exercise,” because in Kamunting, everything is better. I just wonder why would Datuk had quoted geographical difference FIRST. Hmm….

Surgically Removed…..

Hi, good afternoon peeps!
You know, in my 19-coming-20 years of living and existing, I haven’t done this. I want to know the truth.

Most people do not do this at all for fear of knowing the truth. The rest either lives with the pain or just ignores it until it is unbearable. Often, you read about this experience in essays and you kind of get the picture the writer is conjuring.

It goes something like there is this beam of light shining at your face (not exactly at your face, but at certain points on your face) all the time. You feel slightly comfortable at this chair that hugs your torso gently, but you know that this is a trick to ensure you do not retaliate. Then, you smell of rubber and you hear drills. There is this man in glasses that asks you to open your mouth.

“Ah………” Yup, this is the dentist asking you to open your mouth.

Dentist: What can I do for you?

Winson: I want a check on my teeth. And my molar is aching. Probably have a check at the wisdom?

Dentist: Winson, your teeth are okay. No cavities. No decays.

Winson: That is a good thing right?

Dentist: Your gum are unhealthy though.

Winson: What?

Dentist: Your wisdom is fused with your molar. There is no space for the wisdom to come up. So, you need to remove it surgically.

Winson: What?

Dentist: But, you can’t do it here. You must do it in a specialist clinic. It will cost about a thousand plus.

Winson: What?

——————————–

Yeah, that was my appointment with the dentist, for the first time in 20 years. No decay and cavities. The dentist advised me to brush my gums even if it bleeds. Eww….

Surprisingly, the wisdom tooth doesn’t hurt anymore…. Probably it backed off after the dentist mentioned the need to “remove it surgically”.

Winson, don’t remove me! I am your wisdom! You remove me, you lose your wisdom!

I AM YOU…. I am Tomorrow’s Doctor

“To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always”

This was the quotation that stuck in my mind after a talk by Dr John P Judson (aka Dr JPJ), a surgeon-turned-lecturer, in IMU on Medicine – A Passion for Healing. A doctor’s job is not to cure people, but to comfort and relieve people’s pain. I was wowed by this fresh perspective that I had never thought of before.

To put things into context, I went to IMU (International Medical University)’s Open Day 2009 in their Bukit Jalil campus on the 18th January 2009. Now that we are on the same page:

IMU is really an amazing place. Not that I am hired to do some marketing for them, but truly, I think IMU is a really nice place. I can imagine myself studying medicine here. And I think their marketing slogan “I AM YOU” which is phonetically I-M-U, is pure genius. (Jamie, maybe you can come up with something that is phonetically S-R-I-K-D-U??)

Marketing aside, I was given first-hand information about what to expect from a medical profesion. After speaking with Dr Margaret, my family doctor, about her life as a young doctor a few days back, I still wanted to do medicine in some way and hence the visit to IMU. I am not 100% sure yet, but I am definitely at 70%. I myself was surprised that I still wanted to pursue this profesion after a few myths about this profesion was busted.

——————————————————

Myth Number One: Doctors make a lot of money.

Wrong. OLD doctors make a lot of money.

Not intending to offend anyone, doctors do not make a lot of money in their early years of profesion. Only doctors who specialise and set up their own practice in the PRIVATE sector make a lot of money. By then, they are all past 30 and in their forties already.

For doctors out there who work in government hospitals, they are basically paid very low (small peanuts!) in their junior years. Some who stay in the service will get paid slightly more (bigger peanuts but still peanuts!). Mostly will go into the private sector for obvious reasons (say NO to peanuts!).

For GPs (General Practitioners) who set up ther own practice and open clinics, they are just making enough to cover their overheads. For those who are fortunate enough to open more outlets, they are confined by long working hours, which brings me to Myth Number Two.

Myth Number Two: Being a doctor is glamorous.

Wrong.  While being a doctor on ER, Grey’s Anatomy, Dr House and all the medical tv shows seem glamorous, being a real doctor is the exact opposite.

Try working from 6am to 6pm and being on call in midnight. Sometimes, you might have to miss your best friend’s wedding just because there are insufficient doctors in the hospital. Or miss your mum’s 60th anniversary because you need to work overtime!

You still need to work even on Public Holidays like Chinese New Year. While your peers and friends are celebrating and enjoying  the atmosphere of festivities, you are stuck in the hospital treating patients with cough, cold, flu, and a whole myriad of illnesses (probably they ate too much oranges.). You might probably fall sick too if your immune system is not serving you well.

Then, when you have free time, it’s either to eat, to shower, or to sleep. Sometimes, you are too tired until you don’t realise you felt asleep on the couch and it’s already 7am on the next morning. Hospitals open at 8am. You need to wash up, eat, and rush to work on your shift.

Dr Margaret: One reason why I set up my own practice after my MOship days (MO stands for Medical Officer, more on this later) is because I wanted to spend more time with my mum and family.

Dr JPJ: One reason why I quit surgery and lecture in IMU is because I wanted to spend more time with my family.

Both doctors opine that they both have to choose between work and family. And, of course we know, they chose the latter.

“Being a doctor is emotionally draining,” Dr Margaret said. She added, “This profesion will consume more than what you think it will expect it to.”

She recalled, “When I was young, my mum only gave us four career options: doctor, lawyer, engineer, and teacher. There are no other career options.” She continued, “then when my mum realised what she put me through after seeing my on-calls and long working hours, my mum said, ‘ I was stupid to force you into the profesion because I didn’t realise how much you have to work, girl. I am sorry.‘

Now, I don’t think that is portrayed in Dr House.

——————————————-

I can’t think of anymore myths to bust, but I definitely have these to add:

1) Being a doctor is choosing a hard life.

2) To be a good doctor, don’t expect to make a lot of money. Else, you are in it for the wrong reason.

3) A doctor needs to emphatise with all his patients. You must never get numbed by the same cold, cough, and flu that you will encounter daily. You must be able to treat all of them as individuals, and with respect.

4) To be a doctor, you need to study and serve the government an awfully a lof of years.

The progression of a doctor’s career in Malaysia

Basic med degree (5 years) — > Housemanship/Internship (2 years) —> Serve the government of Malaysia (3 years)

To be able to open your own clinic as a practicing doctor in Malaysia, you need to spend 10 years! As for me, I would love to specialise in cardio surgery:

Basic med degree (5 years) — > Housemanship/Internship (2 years) —> Serve the government of Malaysia (3 years) — > Specialization & Postgraduate studies in General Surgery (3-4 years) —> Sub-specialisation in Cardiac Surgery (2 years)

Another 6 years!

If you still want to be a doctor after reading this post, maybe you are born to be one. Like I mentioned earlier, I am surprised I still wanted to pursue this profesion after finding out about the truths and realities behind the title ‘Dr’.

Surviving medical school is another whole new story. But never lose sight of the bigger picture of the profesion which is “To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always”. Are you tomorrow’s doctor?

This article is inspired by I-M-U, the premier private medical school in Malaysia, located in Bukit Jalil.

——————————————-

The author felt that one week is an awfully long time for a blogger to be away from his blog. He had been busy with A LOT of banking (RHB Bank, CIMB Bank, EON Bank, Bank Rakyat, Maybank, Public Bank) so much so that now he can tell you how to buy a bank draft, do an interbank giro transcation, deposit a cheque and pay off your credit card the hard way, without e-banking.

The Honda Dream Fund… I want to be a…..

Kringggggggggggg……

It was 9am. I just woke up when I got a phone call from Miss Harjit.

“Hi Winson, today I came across an article in the papers about The Honda Dream Fund. Please take note of this ok?”

“Thanks, Miss Harjit,” I replied half awake.

Honda Dream Fund is funded by Honda to help under-privileged students to pursue their tertiary education in ANY COURSE of their choice in ANY COLLEGE/UNIVERSITY of their choice in Malaysia.

It is a relief that Honda is still continuing this Corporate Social Responsibility even though the economic recession is looming. Thank you, Honda!

I am planning to apply for this fund because I think I am eligible in almost all of their criterion. It will be good to have this scholarship because then, I can pick any of my 4 options, without any restraint! (Please refer to previous post for context.)

Extracted from the Honda website, the criterion are:

1) Aged 17 to 25 (check)

2) Combined household income not more than RM1500 (erm….)

3) Medically fit (erm….)

4) Not receiving any financial aid (check)

I am not sure whether I will be successful, but no harm trying?

With Honda Dream Fund, I want to be a(n):

1) Doctor – Medicine in IMU

2) Engineer – Mechanical Engineering in Monash

3) Lawyer – Law in ATC College, OR

4) Accountant – Business (accounting major) in Monash.

———————————————

For the rest of us out there who need financial aid, this is a good scholarship to consider.

Dateline: 31st March 2009

All the best!

P/S: There is no bond because Honda Dream Fund “wants students to mould their own future after graduation”.
Download Honda Dream Fund Application Form

Law? Medicine? Engineering? Accountancy?

I would like to apologise for not updating my post as regularly as I should have. I am beginning to acclimatise myself to fill in my father’s shoes and take on the added responsibility in the family. Anyhow, so far, I am doing good, and with my IB results, it can only get better. These are my options for my degree

Option 1: Law

If you read my previous post, I did mention that I went to ATC College because I thought law would be interesting. I still find it so but I am not sure whether I would want to read law as an undergraduate. Law requires a very critical and analytical mind that can pick up the meaning behind every word in a statute or act. You know, all those lawyer language in agreements and stuff? You are expected to understand them, and write like that in future.

The good part about reading law is it helps you to be someone who can talk, debate, and communicate well. I love debating and talking with people. The only thing that is holding me back is, my uncertainty of whether I can cope with it. I learnt about Theory of Relativity, Particle Physics, and the Big Bang Theory (or like my cousin says it, “Abang Besar Theory”) before this.

After all this hard work with science, you go and read law? Hmm….

Option 2: Medicine

I wanted to be a doctor when I was kid, but I was turned off by the number of years required to be a doctor and the massive working hours. But, I guess I saw this profesion through the wrong lens.

I remember at 13 I wrote “heart surgeon” as my ambition when my teacher asked us to write down our ambitions. My dad had a heart condition then, and I wanted to do something about it. Then, as I grow up, money became quite important and I figured that being a doctor you need to invest a huge sum of money and that turned me off for good, until now.

After seeing how my dad succumbed to heart attack, I began to see this profesion differently. And being diagnosed with pre-hypertension, which might lead to heart attack if no precautionary measures are taken, I feel compelled to save more lives. If I can use this heart in me to save more hearts out there, why not.

Money-wise, I don’t know how am I going to fund this option. The only way for me to do this is to apply and win the RM350k scholarship from IMU.

I need to check whether they accept my IB subject options (Physics, Chemistry, Maths). I have to take MUET as well. Sigh… but well, it’s a good option. Like Audrey puts it, it gives me “magic hands”.

I think being a doctor would be something worth pursuing, if I win the scholarship and the funding issue is resolved. It is also academically challenging, something I enjoy challenging myself with.

Like Jorrel puts it, though it is a bit inward-looking, “it is very powerful to have the knowledge to save yourself,” as much as medicine is concerned.

Option 3: Engineering

This is the traditional option since I was in secondary school. This led me to apply to Ivy League universities because I know that the best engineering schools are in the United States. But, I am also considering local options as well if I can’t fly off anywhere for family reasons.

I checked out Monash University, which is not a bad university. They have scholarships for students who obtain 40 points or more in IB. So, that means I am eligible for their 100% tuition fee waiver scholarship. But the catch is, the only way to maintain the scholarship is to continuously score 90-100% in all 8 semesters there. If you go below 90%, the scholarship will be reduced and downgraded to a 50% scholarship. If you improve, it will be reinstated. If you fail any unit in your degree, your scholarship is as good as over. Another point to be considered is, the scholarship is only open to enrolled Monash Malaysia students. Financially, it means I have to fork out RM18k for my first semester before being eligible for this scholarship. A lot of faith is required.

Or, I can go to Singapore’s NUS. This is another attractive option because the MOE Singapore offers tuition grants and loans  to students who cannot afford the universities there – a good trick to ensure foreign talents stay in Singapore. If you can’ read behind the lines and actions of these Singaporean financial aids, please re-read. If I accept their offer and financial aid there, I will be bonded to Singapore for 3 years and possibly longer. Personally, I love Singapore and the living environment there. It is modern, safe, and efficient. Seriously, if I even go there, I will stay and never come home. =)

Engineering is traditionally a man’s job. (Think Mythbusters!) You blow things up. You make things happen. You create things from raw materials. I love these Mythbusters-like stuff, but can I do them in Monash? I don’t know.

Slightly off tangent, during the Star Education Fair I was a bit disappointed with some of their education officers who disbursed the wrong information to me. I reckon it might be due to the long hours of explaining the same thing over and over again. To Monash Malaysia, I hope you would take note of this and ensure that all marketing officers are fully informed because first impression counts.

Option 4: Accountancy

I spoke with my uncle about this profesion and I gained a lot of first-hand information. Accountancy is fun if you love numbers, and know what the numbers mean. It is fun if you know how to construct the financial background and profile of a company from the numbers.

He spoke about his days as an auditor and I enjoyed his sharing very much. But I am not sure whether this profesion is for me because I am not a very office person. I can’t sit still in office sifting through documents. I need to blow things up, or do some CPR to keep me focused.

——————————————————-

I will keep all four in view. I am still sitting and praying through it. It will be a long waiting process.

Campus Tour: Kemayan ATC College

After today’s early morning madness about our IB results, I woke up and went to ATC College with Ian in his 4 wheel drive. So this is the story:

ATC College is located in Jalan Petaling (Petaling Street), in the middle of KL. Externally, Bangunan Tunas Utama seems like an old building block, but internally, it is really a very nice place.
I went and checked out their LLB external programme offered by University of London which is, according to one of the marketing executives, “one of the top 10 universities in UK”. Ok, I buy that one.
The fees are very reasonable too for a UK degree. This is the fee structure for the LLB programme inclusive of tuition fees, books, online materials, and all the miscellaneous:

First Year:
RM16000
Second Year:
RM12000
Third Year:
RM12000

I read through the UoL Handbook and I am quite convinced that the programme would be a rigorous yet prestigious one. Not wanting to rush into making a decision, I am planning to wait my short-term enthusiasm to die out. Then, I would only know whether I want to read LAW for good!
ATC is a small college but it is well equipped. Technology-wise, Ian says they need to invest more. But overall, I am very impressed with their library; their library has all the necessary law materials and resources.
The next step for me is to verify whether Certified Legal Practitioner Board would accept my IB qualifications.

IB —-> UoL Law degree —–> CLP —-> 9-month Pupillage —-> Full-fledged Lawyer

As you can see above, I cannot fathom the logic behind checking the validity of my IB qualifications. But anyhow, I hope my IB would get the green light from CLP Board.
I would need to apply for a place in University of London through ATC using my IB results though. Hopefully my results are convincing enough for them to accept me. The application fee is GBP56, which comes down to about MYR300. I am not happy with this because I am on a tight budget already, but if it’s worth the shot, why not.
Financially, I am applying for the Tun Hamid Omar Scholarship which would, if successful, entitle me to a tuition fee waiver worth RM7000 per annum. It may be less because the percentage of reduction is directly proportional to my results. Still, if that works out, I would save RM21000. I can use part of that money to buy myself a laptop, FINALLY.
However, Tun Hamid Omar Scholarship only accepts STPM and A Levels applicants. I am technically their first IB student applicant-to-be. So, I would need to go back to Sri KDU and get them to translate my 42 IB points into the number of As. If Mr Shaw is right, a 42 would easily exceed 3As.
That’s my journey for today… I have recovered from my father’s demise and I hope that he would support my decision to study locally.
I am almost certain of studying locally because of personal circumstances and other goals. I might venture into the real estate market on a part-time basis to help supplement my family’s income. Tutoring might work too, but I guess God knows better.
Anyway, I have never felt so happy like today ever since my father passed away. It’s a great day…. Thank you God for 7th January…
P/S: Law is quite fun. Try it.

IB November 2008 released…

Wednesday, 7th January – Sri KDU IB students from the January 2007 intake received their November 2008 examination results online on www.ibo.org .

A plethora of atmosphere was experienced as students waited for the 1.30am mark to log in and check their results.

Sharing the first spot in the IB League at 43 points are Khairul and Siang Hang who are both Petronas scholars. Sharing the second spot are Winson (an Oxford reject) and Yvonne (Melbourne-bound Petronas scholar), with 42 points. At the time of writing, no one was reported to obtain 41 points.

Jonathan Mah, one of the ALEEMAH triumvirate consisting of Winson, Riza (28 points), and Jonathan himself, was pleased with 40 points.

This report is brought to you by Winson at 2.34am.

————————————

Winson’s  Nov 2008 Official Results

Mathematics HL 6

Physics HL 7

Chemistry HL 7

English A1 6

Mandarin 7

Business and Management 7

Bonus TOK/EE 2

Total: 42 points out of possible 45