Cancer? No Cancer? Part 2

I am not really sure how should I be feeling right now. I am going through a plethora of feelings i.e angry, happy, sad, disappointed, grateful, hopeful, confused.

Previously, I mentioned that my mum went through a surgery to remove some non-cancerous growth from her tummy. Today, the “specimen”’s lab report was returned (Specimen refers to the removed cyst from mum’s tummy). It seems that there is a likelihood of borderline malignancy around her ovarian sector. In other words, a borderline likelihood of cancer.

The doctor said there was nothing much to be worried off because it is still in early stages. From no cancer, now it’s borderline cancer. Mum is going to see a cancer specialist in Universiti Malaya Medical Centre for further inspection.

I seriously do not know which feeling should I put into my emotional sector of my brain. Sigh. Keep my fingers crossed.

Bible verse: By the stripes of Jesus, we are healed……. (Personalised) By the stripes of Jesus, mum is healed, by faith.

Mum Is in Hospital

Today, mum was admitted into hospital to get rid of the non-cancerous growth inside her abdomen. Please refer to my post on Cancer? No Cancer? to get a fuller picture on this.

Mum was in the operating theatre from 4.30pm till 9.30pm. That is a long 5-hour surgery to remove the “thing”. She looked really pale (I would like to say ‘horrible’ but I shall mince my word because she’s my mum) and weak. I prayed for her and it was nice to have my aunties and cousins to visit her during this time.

And I noticed something; my nuclear family – dad, mum, Jeremy, and I – was never so united until today, this event in our family. I noticed that we were closer and the ‘happy family’ is happening. This is really an achievement because of the fact that my parents did once consider divorce as an option, due to some conflict.

I’ll see more of mum tomorrow. She is fine, but she’s really hungry. She had to fast from 9am onwards before her surgery at 4pm, and she came out at 9.30pm. That’s 12 hours without food.

But, I really do miss something: I miss mum’s presence at home. Mum is a really loud woman; her ‘gentle’ commands can be heard a few houses away. The next few days will be quiet, but boring.

To Mum in Assunta Hospital, Melor Ward Room 3-2: Good night, the angels are with you!

Cancer? No Cancer?

Cancer is something that everyone in this modern era fears. It is deemed the modern disease of the modern generation. How often cancer is heard of in the 50s?

Question: How would you react when your relatives, particularly your mum, have the possibility of contracting cancer?

Yesterday, I got the shock of my life when mum said she noticed something hard within her stomach. Mum said she realized it since two days ago. There was not any pain but she felt slight discomfort when she sleeps. Mum said it might be a fibroid – a non cancerous growth – recurring, or tumour – a cancerous growth. We really do not know. Mum went to the doctor, at Poliklinik Gomez (the clinic we have been going since I was 7), to figure out what was wrong.

Mum asked, “Is it cancer?” to which the doctor replied, “I do not know, we would have to wait for Dr Margaret to do the scan tomorrow.”

My imagination started running wild.

What would I do if mum had cancer? What would I do if mum would not survive, if she got it (touch wood)? It hit me so hard on how much I have taken my mum for granted. Mum, I really love you although we often have not-so-friendly moments when you are on the cycle – menstrual that it.

Mum even related to the doctor how her menstrual cycle was disrupted, adding fuel to the firing worries within me. The other day, Joshua was telling me about one of our friends whose mum was diagnosed with liver cancer. *super worried* Meanwhile, years back, when my aunt got cancer; she lost two of her breasts (something that I believe are important to womanhood) due to mastectomy. She survived, with great deal of chemotherapy and its side-effects.

I prayed so hard that God will not take my mum away so quickly. Jesus, she still need time to learn more about you. And God, she still have not seen my beautiful wife and cute twins – 2 boys and 2 girls!!

And today, while having exam in school, I shut my phone off for fear of getting any bad news. I was in such denial. Yes, my mum was not perfect, but I still loved her to the point I cant take it that she might have cancer.

Then, mum said, “The doctor said it was just some cyst, it’s non-cancerous, and it can be removed through a simple surgery.” Cyst = a super big pimple consists of fluid and blood clogged within your body.

The reason I am sharing my experience here is not to blog about my emotional moments, but rather to ask the question: how much have we took our family for granted?

I find it funny how easy it is for us to raise our voice against our loved ones when they are still healthy. When they are gone, we cry like babies. Funny, isn’t it?

If it takes cancer to shake us off from our delusion of materialism, money and what not, to remind us of what really matters, then I think it’s worthwhile because I was shaken to love my mum even more. I am heartbroken, not because my mum almost got cancer, but because it takes cancer to help me to love her more. Mum, Happy Belated Mother’s Day. In fact, everyday is Mother’s Day, friends.

P/S: The author did not bother buying Mother’s Day gift because he was broke, or rather he perceived himself to be broke.